<p>I&#8217;m normally not a praying man, but if you&#8217;re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It&#8217;s what separates us from the animals&hellip;except the weasel. I&#8217;m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life&#8217;s problems aren&#8217;t at the bottom of a bottle, they&#8217;re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.</p>
<h2>Radioactive Man</h2>
<p>Well, he&#8217;s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace &#8220;accidentally&#8221; with &#8220;repeatedly&#8221; and replace &#8220;dog&#8221; with &#8220;son.&#8221; What&#8217;s the point of going out? We&#8217;re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don&#8217;t win friends with salad. I&#8217;m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we&#8217;d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like&hellip;love!</p>
<ul>
<li>Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.</li>
<li>Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There&#8217;s a *New* Mexico?</li>
<li>Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.</li>
</ul>
<h3>Rosebud</h3>
<p>Ahoy hoy? I&#8217;ll keep it short and sweet &mdash; Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we&#8217;d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like&hellip;love!</p>
<h4>Cape Feare</h4>
<p>Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you&#8217;re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box&hellip; Uh, no, they&#8217;re saying &#8220;Boo-urns, Boo-urns.&#8221; Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. &#8220;Thank the Lord&#8221;? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don&#8217;t have a place within an organized religion. I didn&#8217;t get rich by signing checks.</p>
<ol>
<li>I&#8217;m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.</li>
<li>This is the greatest case of false advertising I&#8217;ve seen since I sued the movie &#8220;The Never Ending Story.&#8221;</li>
<li>When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power&hellip;like God must feel when he&#8217;s holding a gun.</li>
</ol>
<h5>The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show</h5>
<p>I hope I didn&#8217;t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you&#8217;re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box&hellip;</p>
<h6>Duffless</h6>
<p>I prefer a vehicle that doesn&#8217;t hurt Mother Earth. It&#8217;s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying &#8220;Boo-urns.&#8221; Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*</p>
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